I am Jin

My name is Jin. Please do not mistake my name as a gesture of formidable love for anime or an infantile fervor for the Japanese culture - I simply have it as my alias as I heard it is unwise to  give your real name on the internet. It is simply a name I picked up of a game named Tekken I played on my Play Station One when I was a child. Jin - the name sounds heroic and sinister at the same time - a fusion of both so foreign and amicable. My father once told me, these one syllable names often brought a certain kind of tone to it that brings people to its attention - the stresses and folds of a contralto. I wish my name was Jin - instead, my father named me this boring monotonous two-syllable name. My handshake weakens whenever I vocalize my name. While some glimmers with vigor and confidence, I dwell in its mediocrity - I guess, maybe, I'm just being over-dramatic. I go to a college in a small city in Alabama. If it is to your convenience I'd like you to read this in the voice of Sal Paradise from the movie On the Road - the silver-toned all-American articulation orchestrated among witty speech and poetic gestures. I don't mean much by it. It is just a rather disappointing movie that I've opted to watch, just to see Kristen Stewart's scene, but I just can't seem to get rid of that voice - as crazy as it seems, I now read books, subtitles, and even the newspaper with his voice in my head; I guess it'll pass in a while. My actual voice sounds raspy at best - to be fair, I'm not sure I know how to describe voices in words. It is the kind of voice which somebody else will get annoyed at after a conversation lasting more than ten minutes - the kind that gets made fun of at the karaoke - the whimpers of a pre-pubescent ten-year old kid mixed with the gruff bark of a scrawny old man. I truly do not know how to describe voices in words. Let's move on. This is not a call for help. This is not something which satisfies the human's insatiable need for attention. This is not a story meant for entertainment. This is just my way of letting it all out - a healing to all the shit that happened over the last three years. It is my only wish to stay as invisible as I was over the last few months - no flashy clothing, not getting out of my room unless absolutely necessary, avoiding conversations with passer-by acquaintances. I'd like to be forgotten like a bird, to be unnoticed, and most of all, to be left alone. I'm not salivating for attention, but I guess a man needs someone to hear him out. So, here it is, my story from my own personal experience - or they could be utter delusions. Lately, I find it difficult to tell the difference.